I wanted to watch An American Haunting last night. But the video store didn’t have it. So instead we rented H.P. Lovecraft’s Beyond the Wall of Sleep. There was a prequel, or whatever, before the credits began and I told Kim if the rest of the movie was like that I wasn’t going to watch it. It was. We gave it about 20 minutes — 10 more than I would have by myself — then yanked it from the DVD player.

Where to begin criticizing that steaming pile of crap? The acting is probably the most obvious target. I’ve seen high school plays with better acting. Hell, I’ve seen elementary school plays with better acting. This thing made soap opera actors look good. Every hackneyed line was delivered with wooden melodrama. Just pathetic.

Add to that the stupid flash-cut editing that is so popular today and it was just more than I could bear. We flashed from black and white to color and back, from scenes in an asylum to the woods, to dreams, back and forth, over and over. If I had cared what was going on, that would have really peeved me. As it was, the editing was just the final turd on a big pile of crap. There were also a lot of odd angles, so we had people apparently walking sideways. I’m sure it was all supposed to create a feeling of disorientation and insanity, but it was just annoying as hell.

The movie “starred” Tom Savini. He was in one scene during the 20 minutes we watched. Savini was, by far, the best actor in this film. Take that as you may. (While Savini isn’t the most personable guest at Horrorfind, I actually like his acting, and based the physical appearance of both Luther and Thomas McGrath on Savini.)

We paid new release price to rent this thing. My advice to you is never rent it. Ever. No matter how much you love Lovecraft. When this comes on the Sci-Fi Channel, switch over to CBS Family. It’s that bad.

Speaking of the Sci-Fi Channel, they had another Bigfoot movie on last night. I didn’t catch the name of it. Dammit. I plan to write a Bigfoot novel set in Oklahoma when I finish the two projects I’m working on. Sci-Fi is going to pollute the market and make me look like a copycat. Why do the made-for-Sci-Fi movies suck so hard? Why do they always have the same basic plot with different pretty 20-something actors?

That’s enough bitching for one morning. I have work to do.