Obama Hails Passage of Latest Health Law

Key members of President Barak Obama’s cabinet gathered in the Oval Office earlier today to sign into law legislation designed to make combat America’s obesity problem and ease the burdensome expense of the health care legislation that was passed in his first term.

“This law may not be popular now,” Obama said, “But in the long run Americans will see that what we do today is in the best interest of everyone.”

The law regulates the kinds of food people purchase. Between one-third to two-thirds of every food purchase must be made up of fruits and vegetables, according to the new law. The more “junk food”, alcohol, or tobacco purchased, the higher the percentage of required fruits and vegetables.

“We could not have made this paradigm change even 10 years ago,” Obama said. “Fortunately, thanks to the 2009 stimulus plan that put control of most banks in the hands of the government, we are able to make America healthier.”

The current cashless society allows the government to monitor food purchases made with bank debit cards. Monitoring of purchases falls to the Social Health Care Bureau created in 2013. Grocers will be tasked with reminding consumers of the new requirements. Consumers who refuse to abide by the new law will be subjected to fines and can be placed in “fat camps” for health education.

Opponents of the new law, many of whom still question the legality of Obama serving a third term as president, say the new law will not stand up to Constitutional scrutiny. Legal analyst Christopher Osgood says the bill will stand because, like the earlier health laws, it is for the common good.

“There was a time in this nation when people were citizens,” said one opponent of the bill who refused to give his name but identified himself as a former Republican who is now in hiding since Obama turned the RICO laws against the defunct opposition party. “Now people are surfs, scrambling to feed an out of control deficit that keeps getting bigger as Obama steals our freedoms.”

Obama said this new law not only ensures that Americans will eat healthier, but creates 10,000 new jobs as agents are added to monitor purchases. “It also supports the economies of our allies abroad as they grow and harvest the fruits and vegetables that will be eaten in America.”

Liz Morton, an elementary teacher in Virginia Beach, Va., welcomes the new law. “I have tried for years to lose weight, but lacked motivation to stick to a diet,” she said. “Now the president will help me eat right and stay on track.”

The new law will be fully implemented by December 2021.

One response to “Obama Hails Passage of Latest Health Law”

  1. I’m sure a three strike rule will be set in place for frequent fat camp offenders. Three strikes and it’s off to the liposuction clinic for you! And to prevent discrimination towards the other half, force feeding stations should also be set up for those who feel a lack of food in general is a good dietary plan.

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