Last night I donated 90 or so minutes of my life to yet another horrible movie my wife wanted to watch based on recommendations from her co-workers. This time the culprit was “Napoleon Dynamite.” I’d never heard of it, which wasn’t a good sign. Then the opening credits came on and I saw that MTV Films was involved and knew that wasn’t a good omen. And it only got worse from there. That piece of crap was one of the worst movies I have ever seen in my life. Nothing happened. This incredible geek moved around from scene to scene and that was it. Watching grass die in the autumn is much, much more exciting.
“Napoleon Dynamite” followed another loser from a few weeks ago called “SLC Punk” or “Punk SLC” or something like that. It was about two punk guys living in Salt Lake City. At least one of them had the decency to die at the end. Still, it was a load of crap.
Others in this trend of offal include the Harrison Ford remake of “Sabrina.” I figured, Harrison Ford, how bad can it be? Incredibly bad turned out to be the correct answer. Then there was some other thing about a group of yuppies that got together to drink, whine and hit on each other after a friend died. I’ve blotted that one’s title from memory.
My wife said she kept waiting for something funny to happen in “Napoleon Dynamite.” I told her the only joke was when we paid $3 to rent the DVD as a new release. She didn’t see the humor. Flicks like that one make schlock like “The Brain that Wouldn’t Die” look like high art.
Tonight we watch my choice from the video store, “Shaun of the Dead.” I’ve heard nothing but good things, and the previews look good, so I have high hopes. Yup. Just like the ant with the rubbertree plant.
I took my computer in to have a DVD and CD burner installed on Friday. Got it back yesterday afternoon and spent the day trying to figure out how to operate the new drive. Naturally it doesn’t seem to be working right. That’s my luck. I burned a CD of music, but it won’t play on most of my CD players. I only got one DVD to play, and I couldn’t get any sound on it. The other DVD’s popped up a message saying it was copy protected and I need to put in a DVD that isn’t copy protected.
Any now my Vikings are losing to the crappy old Redskins, probably knocking themselves out of the playoffs in the last game of the season for the second season in a row.
I go back to work tomorrow. Finally. Back to my office where there are no kids begging for food all the time, no Thomas the Tank Engine on the TV and nobody asking to go to Sprawl-Mart. How low have I sunk that I actually want to go back to work?
Oh, and I haven’t shaved since being off work. My oldest daughter hates it, but I’m thinking of leaving it. I dunno. It ain’t near the Ulrikian growth I’d have liked. Yes, Ulrikian is a word. I just made it up. If you can’t figure out what it means, you should read my novel Shara.